Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
