Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
