True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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