Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
