discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
