just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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