I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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