but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
