My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
