Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
