All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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