Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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