I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
