I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
