Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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