he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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