My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
