It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
