New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
