Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
