Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
