i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
