i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
