Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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