there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
