No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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