So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
