Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
