You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
