No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
