If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
