I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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