Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
