im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
