I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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