Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
