holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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