I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
