Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
