Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
