he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
