I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
