Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
