1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
