I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
fuck your aforementioned shoe
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
