I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
