I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
