I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
