Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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