cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
