i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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