you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
