Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
