Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
