I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
